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My Story

I started this blog because I definitely haven’t always been happy OR healthy.  For as long as I can remember, I have struggled with depression, anxiety, and distorted self-image.  For as long as I can remember, I also truly believed that there was nothing I could do to change myself, that my continual downward cycle of negative emotion was a lifelong condition from which I would never be free.  I really saw no way out, but I couldn’t imagine actually living like this for the rest of my life.  I sort of always hoped it would “just go away,” and that’s how I dealt with it.  Depression is both painful and alienating; in my life I have sensed a social stigma associated with depression.  It always felt somehow taboo or otherwise unacceptable to share with others what I was feeling.  One day, I decided I couldn’t take it anymore: I was ultimately nonfunctional, I didn’t know how to take care of myself even though I was quickly becoming an adult, and there were days at a time where I literally wouldn’t get out of bed because I felt so unmotivated, hopeless, tired, useless.  I’d alienated myself from most of my friends, I slept at odd hours, and my schoolwork suffered immensely, even though I always used to love school.  I found pleasure in very little; food, books, music that used to awaken my senses no longer interested me.  I was continually anxious in social situations, so I avoided them.  Finally, I’d had enough and I couldn’t allow the cycle to continue.  I decided to take an active hand in making my life a positive one.  I began studying Pilates, which appealed to me in a way no physical activity ever had before.  Additionally, I began to read and learn more about nutrition, and the effect food has on the body.  I finally took a good honest look at the way I was eating, and was really disturbed by what I found.  I’ve never struggled with weight issues in my life, but I was gaining weight and struggling to lose it because my diet consisted mostly of sugar and bread, with little actual nutrients.  After a while, I decided that the food I ate, especially the amount of sugar I ingested, probably had a major impact on how I felt, and I decided to actively adopt more balanced eating habits to see if my moods would balance out.  What I’ve found has astounded me: Yes, I actually am a happier person now that I eat well and exercise regularly.  I know, it sounds like common knowledge, but during the darkest days, I would have never assumed that there were simple changes I could make to my lifestyle that would help improve me overall.  I’m not saying that every day is perfect, that I’m happy all the time, that there aren’t days where all I want to do is curl up and bawl into my cat’s fur, but those days are fewer and far between as time passes and every day feels a little brighter than the last.  I think I have set myself on a path towards lifelong happiness and health, which even just last year felt like a feat beyond my capability.  Since I began this journey, I finally feel like I am becoming a person I am satisfied with, and I want to help others find their way out of the darkness as well, because it isn’t impossible.  I want to share my story with the world as well as connect and share inspiration with others on their journey towards better health and happiness.

Disclaimer: The ideas presented here are my opinions strictly, based on personal experience.  I am not a doctor, nor therapist, nor nutritionist.  The ideas presented here are not intended to substitute a doctor’s advice.  If you are in an crisis situation, please seek help.

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One Comment leave one →
  1. Bridget permalink
    July 1. 2010 5.02 pm

    What a great story! I really can relate to you in regards to depression. Sometimes people think you can just “get over it” or “think positive” but it’s not that easy. Thankfully I’m feeling better now, and I’m glad to hear that you are as well.

    By the way – I love your blog 🙂

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