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May 8. 2010


Pronunciation: \ˈkän-fə-dən(t)s, -ˌden(t)s\
Function: noun
Date: 14th century
1 a : a feeling or consciousness of one’s powers or of reliance on one’s circumstances b : faith or belief that one will act in a right, proper, or effective way
2 : the quality or state of being certain : certitude
3 a : a relation of trust or intimacy b : reliance on another’s discretion
c : support especially in a legislative body
4 : a communication made in confidence : secret


One thing I have never struggled with is outward confidence.  Getting up on stage in front of hundreds of people?  No biggie.  Struttin’ down the street like I rule this shit?  I’m Queen of it (I’m also Queen of Potty Language).  On the other hand, inward confidence – being secure in my own skin – took a long time for me to learn.  To match inside to outside.  Why should it be difficult?  I’ve always been good at coordination.  If I can actually fool other people into thinking I’m something, well, maybe I actually am.  I’d always told myself, “Fake it ’til you believe it.” Eventually, one day, I had to believe it.

Once I made that leap, I realized that the only thing holding me back was myself –  I didn’t truly believe any of the things I told people about myself, for no good reason other than fear.  I was too scared to let go of the past, too scared to admit that I’d let go of my purported desire to get my Masters in English literature (surprised?), too scared to admit that I really wanted to try eating vegan even though I wear leather shoes and have no intention of stopping, too scared admit that what I really want is to become a Pilates instructor right here at this juncture in my life. I could blame it on anyone else around me, but that was me making excuses for my fear.  I am the one in control of my actions.

I am in control.

I’ve said it a hundred (well, at least four) times on this blog.  Confidence is what makes you hot. Confidence is sexy.  Some days, though, even this hottie wakes up feeling less than stellar.  I used to be content to just go through my day in a cloud of misery and self-doubt, but no longer.  I deliberately do things that make me happy and make me challenge myself throughout my day so I do not doubt my abilities!

There are so many opportunities within your day to second guess yourself, and each time you do, you are calling into question the integrity of your conviction and your cognitive decision-making abilities.  Whether it’s wondering if you should submit a resume to a dream job, or if you should wear those shoes or that shirt, there are a million little decisions to be made each day over which you can lose your head.

I’m not saying second-guessing yourself is the worst thing in the world.  It’s what keeps us from walking out the door looking like this:

Erm.  Yeah.

But when you catch yourself rethinking your actions and your decisions, ask yourself: Are you second-guessing yourself because what you are about to do is a bad idea or outside your limitations; or are you second-guessing yourself because of fear you might fail?

Sometimes, all you have to do is take that leap, and it will be more exhilarating and better than you could have ever imagined.

Mombacho, Nicaragua

I’ve seen my friend Averie (who is giving away two pounds of chia seeds, by the way!) post about how to do splits before.  I’ve never been able to do a split in my life, and I’ve always wnted to try, but I didn’t because I was scared I would never be able to get down to the ground.

Today, I decided to break the habit, and just do it.

Confidence is posting pictures of yourself attempting splits for the first time on the internet.

right leg forward

left leg forward

Not perfect by any means, but farther than I thought I could go. I held these positions for about thirty seconds each, a few times throughout my day.  I figure if I try for a few minutes daily, even if at thirty second intervals varied throughout my day, I’ll get there eventually!

What are you doing this week that scares you?

13 Comments leave one →
  1. May 8. 2010 11.39 pm

    Random: so I was reading a magazine today, and I came across a fashion photo, and I wondered when on earth such things began to pass as high fashion. And the outfit the model was wearing actually didn’t look too different from what you’re wearing in that first photo, so if you want to go out like that, you’d be in good company! Just saying. 😉

    ❤ ❤

  2. May 9. 2010 7.23 am

    I’m the opposite of you actually- I have far more inner confidence than outward. I can absolutely love and accept myself when I’m alone or with close friends, but when I’m put in front of an audience (not literally, but you know what I mean), I start to doubt myself. It’s something I need to work on!

    I once went to high school wearing a candy cane striped onesie. And no one thought anything of it. Which explains why I loved my high school 🙂

    Hope you have a great Sunday love!! xoxo

    • May 9. 2010 11.43 am

      My high school was totally the same way…those were the days!
      ps- think about how much courage it takes to actually write a blog! You’re way more outwardly braver than you think!

  3. May 9. 2010 3.03 pm

    Beautiful post. Reminds me a little of the last post I did.

    You are completely correct on confidence. It’s all about you and how you feel about yourself, and nobody can take away or give you confidence.

    And as for the splits, just keep doing them. Push a little harder each week to get further down and you’ll be there!

  4. May 9. 2010 3.57 pm

    love the post and the splits, you go girl! google “pigeon yoga” and start with pigeon first, and also seated forward bends, and then you will be loosened up in the right areas and that may help but for a new effort…girl, you’re almost there….awesome!!!!!


  5. Katherine: What About Summer? permalink
    May 9. 2010 8.00 pm

    your face when you’re doing the splits is so funny! I love it

    • May 10. 2010 12.38 am

      hahaha i KNOW! so awkward… the best part was when I realized i didn’t have the camera ready…do over… tomorrow I work on new facial expressions 🙂

  6. May 9. 2010 11.19 pm

    Wow. What an inspiring, motivating, honest post! Love it!

    I’ve never done the splits. Kudos to you for workin’ on it!

    I am in control. <— Totally true, but sometimes I need to remind myself. Thank you for reminding me!!!

    Big hugs,

  7. May 10. 2010 10.01 pm

    Okay, this may seem mildly inappropriate, but I thought this was perfect in regards to the second guessing yourself. My Physics instructor today told me what her father used to tell her…

    “Exuses are like butt holes, everyone has them and they all stink.”
    So, second guessing ourselves for fear of failure is a sucky excuse, which is what you said, in a different, more akward light.

    This week, I’m staying at home for a day, alone. Being left to my own devices is something that scares the snot out of me.

    • May 10. 2010 10.15 pm

      I’m all about “mildly inappropriate” :). Thanks for the memorable quote!!! I think you’ll discover things about yourself you never knew before.

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